Understanding the Male Mind

Men—what are they thinking?  That seems to be the question that nearly every woman has asked herself at one time or another. In fact women are often puzzled when they discover just how differently men think from women. Let's do a brief overview of some points that most women have never been told about what really happens inside the mind of a man.

Men Can Shut Their Feelings Off

As a therapist (I'm a guy) I was surprised to learn that every woman I have ever worked with always had something they were thinking about. They always had some thought, concern or idea that occupied at least some of their thoughts. This was fascinating to me because like most men, I don't always have a thought in my mind. In fact, men often aren't thinking about anything. I'm not kidding. Men can do this because we're good at what's called compartmentalizing which is a fancy word for being able to put our thoughts or feelings in a box and just ignore them. It's a handy tool to have when there is a threat, like an intruder breaking into your home, when you need to keep your fears in check so that you can think clearly without the distractions of feelings.

The reason we do this is that whatever we do, we do it with our full attention. So when you ask a man what he's feeling there's a good chance he might not be "feeling" anything at all.

What Men Really Like In A Woman

Because men keep their feelings "under wraps" it's easy for women to think they don't feel or don't care, but it's not that simple. Men like feeling passionate and full of joy, but they often need help in arousing those feelings. Their preferred way to arouse those feelings is to find a woman that they find captivating. The good news is that nearly any woman can develop this quality that men find irresistible. What is this quality? It's more of a belief that a woman has about herself. Many mistake this trait as simply being confident but it's more than that. It's the ability to be at ease around men. If there was one word for the quality that attracts men effortlessly it would be - authentic.

When You Should Worry

When a man finds a woman that is comfortable being authentic he views her as an investment. Something precious and worth protecting. It's similar to finding hidden treasure. Once he finds her he wants to influence her. He takes pride in protecting her and shaping her. She becomes his primary investment because he wants to give her access to his heart in a way that no one else has. If he feels he cannot influence her he will initially try regardless. If it becomes a power struggle, then eventually he'll give up trying.

This is when you should be afraid. When he feels the woman of his choice will not allow him to shape her the passion he felt for her begins to diminish and eventually die. It's when a man is indifferent that you know he's given up. When he's at this stage is when he's most susceptible to having an affair or just leaving the relationship. Inside his mind he's thinking, "What's the point of trying. She wants me to accept her just like she is and not invest in her. I feel like her father." You can see why passion begins to die at this point.